My Mantra

My Mantra

Wednesday, January 13, 2016

Three months in the books.


Three months down… and a lifetime of happiness to go.

This blog post is for all my friends just finding out about their ending marriages. Better yet... let’s just go with the truth, unfaithful husbands. There’s no reason to protect their actions or let others think you are giving up on your marriage. I see it daily… “REAL marriages last because both people refuse to give up on each other.” I call bullshit. Harsh? Probably. My marriage was real. It was REAL to me... just not sacred to him.

Anyways… Here’s my advice for the first month…

·         Fall apart. Yes, I said it. You only get to do it once so you might as well make your meltdown worth it.

·         Go days without eating… Hey, it’s a quick way to lose weight. Who wants to eat and then throw it all back up anyways? I know I was sick to my stomach for DAYS!!!!! Not eating was like a physical cleanse for me. You’ll eat again when your body is ready. Trust me… I had Mexican food!

·         Never sleeping… It’s normal. You don’t want to close your eyes because you’re afraid what will meet you in your dreams. You also don’t want to wake up and face reality all over again.

·         Get angry. I mean REALLY angry… because in 30 seconds you’ll be crying again. I burned pictures and broke things. It was great. That amazing cake topper??? Oh, honey. It’s crushed in a million pieces. Just like my heart.

·         Get sad. It’s ok. I promise… you won’t be sad forever. I would wake up at 3 in the morning having a panic attack. I would hide in the bathroom and scream into my pillow.

·         Don’t shower. Go a few days. Whatever makes you feel better? Crying can’t really make you smell that bad?! And truthfully…. whats the point anyways... you are barely getting off the couch.

·         Find someone to watch your kids and go run. For the first few weeks I would run until I puked. Felt like I was getting all the disgusting feelings out of my system. It felt good.

·         Your kids will be fine if they have to eat the same thing for every meal the first week. My kids though it was awesome. Peanut Butter and Jelly again????? Yay!!! Kids are resilient. They will have plenty of time with you being strong. As long as they are safe, fed, happy… they will be fine.

 

I say all of this because I know. I remember. YOU HAVE TO FALL APART in order to rise.

 

Songs? You knew I would have a playlist. Music is my thing. Listen to these songs and think about me… and how much I’m pushing you forward. You will be where I am now… soon.

“A little bit Stronger” by Sara Evans

“She’s Gonna Make it” by Garth Brooks (My favorite version is James David Carter)

“You were mine” by Dixie Chicks (This one you’ll sob through… It’s ok!)

“Does anybody hear her?” by Casting Crowns

“That don’t sound like you” by Lee Brice

“Fight Song” by Rachel Patton

“Without You” by Dixie Chicks (Best break up songs!)

“Over you” by Chris Daughtry

“I’m movin’ on” by Rascal Flatts

"Used to love you" by Gwen Stefani

 

If you need more… I seriously have more!

 

The reason I’m writing this is because everything that you are feeling is normal. This is a HUGE, tragic life-altering thing happening to you. DO what you have to… to survive. I promise you that the other side is hard, but beautiful.

*** At this stage you are also thinking about forgiving and going back to work on things. I remember this to. It’s also OK and very normal. At the end of the day only YOU know your marriage or relationship. There will be people who support you… and people who don’t. That’s just life. The people who love you will support you and be there no matter what.

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